tears

you know when you have so much to say, but havent the strength to share it all....well i am in that place right now. i will attempt to put into words the happenings of today, but they will all be a jumble.
barely twelve hours after i was writing my last post about anicette....she was in the arms of Jesus. this morning the emergency call went out for baby Ani, the team did all they could on her tiny frail body, but she passed away - becoming unresponsive and having probably aspirated (food in lung) on her milk. but she is free now, with no more hunger and pain, her heavenly body will be able and will be fat. yesterday she was only 3.8kg - thats the weight of a new born baby and she was 14 months old.
there are so many things going around my mind; her mum, her dad, her unborn sibling, her village...complex family dynamics that we discovered while visiting her at home during the benin outreach, but far too much to try and explain on here.
please cover all in prayer...for the nurses (many new anicette and are grieving), for the doctors, for all that God has ahead of us. I feel like i cant take anymore right now. But yet i am so so grateful for the country that i was born into. out of the roof infant mortality rates are real, i can see it right infront of my own eyes, happening around me and happening even more right outside of the port, second after second; minute after minute children and babies are dying.
this baby we could love and care for tho in the best way that we could while she was with us, for the 10 months of benin and this last week too. we can help with funeral arrangements and be there for the mamma, to grieve with her and be a listening ear. 

Jesus is in control of this, his thoughts are not our thoughts and his ways are not our ways, so we will never even begin to understand, but there are more patients coming onboard. another patient with a haemaglobin of 3.6 (its ment to be 12+) - with a massive facial tumour. two more palliative (comfort end of life) patients (that i havent even begun to blog about). along side the discharges and patients walking down the gangway on sunshine. there is so much to be thankful for, so much to sing about and so much to grieve about all at the same time.

Psalm 63:3,7,8
Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.
For you have been my help and in the shadow on your wings I will sing for joy.
My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.