this feeling of everything being normal that started last week, has taken me on a journey of discovery - the last week has been another hard one, with all manner of different things to contend with, but through it all God has been faithful, always giving me what i need when i need it. and now a new week is starting i thorght i'd try and put some things down on paper for you all.
another little one has gone home to Jesus this week. little Obre that i wrote about a month ago, took his last breath on friday, lying in the arms of his mamma. we were expecting it, as his lungs and heart struggled more and more over the last week; but still praying for another miracle. but this time those extra 3 weeks, from the last miracle were just God's plan and however much it puzzles us His ways are not our ways. Obre's mother savoured more precious time with her son and our faith was strengthened before Obre finally went home.
so again please pray for another mamma as she returns to her family empty handed, as they mourn and grieve; for comfort and peace. for the nurses too as we get up and carry on living a life of love.
and that leads me onto some other things that God has been gently teaching me...i have once again been at the end of all that i can give this week....tears falling uncontrolled down my cheeks, my heart breaking, wishing for walks in forests and things to be easy, but thats not the way it is right now. night shifts again, babies dying, feeling trapped on the ship, tiredness in every sense of the word.
but i know that its when i get to the end of myself that God has a chance to step in. its not all about me, i cannot keep going, cant keep giving out and not being refilled again, however hard i try...so He has me in that place of trust and reliance, knowing that my every step is because of Him, because of His love and His faithfulness, in His strength I can carry on giving and being his hands and his feet.
although its heartbreaking, joyous, draining, annoying, challenging, molding and a true priviledge to be here. however 'normal' life seems to be on this hospital ship I must not shut my eyes to all that is still going on around me and instead long to be home. i need to embrace it and to know that through it all that I am being held.
Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
By: Natalie Grant
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